To all those out there who have been waiting for new posts, they are on their way. A new school year starts in one week.
Stay tuned for more tales from the substitute.
Monday, August 9, 2010
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Vote for Pedro
Remember Napoleon Dynamite?
Today I had to attend an assembly that immediately had me laughing and called this movie to mind. There was an auditorium full of indifferent students, and ten people on the stage running for various school offices. As they all sat up there nervously I wondered what each one of them would be doing for their skit. As it turned out only one of them did a skit.
As the candidates took their turn at the podium I had to fight the urge to jump from the balcony and run out the door. These were the most boring speeches I had ever heard. The first candidate drowned on about why the student body should vote for them and how they were leaders, and unique. Then every candidate after exhibited how unique they were by repeating essentially the same speech.
Then “Pedro” stands up. This kid stick was that he was a nerd. His name was Jerry Bird the Nerd. He was dressed on suspenders, high water pants, and taped glasses. Then he brings out his alter-ego and this kid busted out a rap that Eminem would have envied (if Eminem could write a song without profanity.) When he is done the auditorium erupts in applause. I wonder if it is enough to get him elected.
I am going to go home tonight and re-watch Napoleon Dynamite.
Today I had to attend an assembly that immediately had me laughing and called this movie to mind. There was an auditorium full of indifferent students, and ten people on the stage running for various school offices. As they all sat up there nervously I wondered what each one of them would be doing for their skit. As it turned out only one of them did a skit.
As the candidates took their turn at the podium I had to fight the urge to jump from the balcony and run out the door. These were the most boring speeches I had ever heard. The first candidate drowned on about why the student body should vote for them and how they were leaders, and unique. Then every candidate after exhibited how unique they were by repeating essentially the same speech.
Then “Pedro” stands up. This kid stick was that he was a nerd. His name was Jerry Bird the Nerd. He was dressed on suspenders, high water pants, and taped glasses. Then he brings out his alter-ego and this kid busted out a rap that Eminem would have envied (if Eminem could write a song without profanity.) When he is done the auditorium erupts in applause. I wonder if it is enough to get him elected.
I am going to go home tonight and re-watch Napoleon Dynamite.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Ball Bag Boy
I haven’t posted in a while. Last month my life was turned upside-down my the news that my husband of ten years wanted a divorce. Needless to say things have been a little hectic around here. The stories are still there, but life doesn’t seem as funny right now. I hope that will not always be the case. There is one story I must share.
I was subbing for a P.E. teacher at one of the local high schools. I must tell you that class size limits do not apply to P.E., so for all five period I had 60 students in my class. The assignment for the day was to take the students to the gym and have them shoot free throws or play basket ball. I proceed to the gym where I look around and see six exits. Maybe I should take roll at the end of class. After I tell the students what they will be doing for the day they scatter. I walk around to monitor the students, and am the target of rouge basketballs. Another teacher comes by and tells me to keep my back against the wall.
I decide that this is the best advice I have heard in a while, so I hunker down against the wall. I am trying to keep an eye on the situation, but it is not easy. I watch as two boys pick up the mesh ball bag and walk toward another student. My spider since is tingling because I know something is about to happen. Before I could make it half way across the court the two boys stuff a smaller boy into the bag and had him tied up inside. The two boys took off running. By the time I got to the ball bag boy he was screaming. I untied him and he jump up looking around. I asked him who had done this to him, and he asked me if I was crazy.
There was no way I would have thought that kid would have fit in that bag. Gotta love high school.
I was subbing for a P.E. teacher at one of the local high schools. I must tell you that class size limits do not apply to P.E., so for all five period I had 60 students in my class. The assignment for the day was to take the students to the gym and have them shoot free throws or play basket ball. I proceed to the gym where I look around and see six exits. Maybe I should take roll at the end of class. After I tell the students what they will be doing for the day they scatter. I walk around to monitor the students, and am the target of rouge basketballs. Another teacher comes by and tells me to keep my back against the wall.
I decide that this is the best advice I have heard in a while, so I hunker down against the wall. I am trying to keep an eye on the situation, but it is not easy. I watch as two boys pick up the mesh ball bag and walk toward another student. My spider since is tingling because I know something is about to happen. Before I could make it half way across the court the two boys stuff a smaller boy into the bag and had him tied up inside. The two boys took off running. By the time I got to the ball bag boy he was screaming. I untied him and he jump up looking around. I asked him who had done this to him, and he asked me if I was crazy.
There was no way I would have thought that kid would have fit in that bag. Gotta love high school.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Poopie Boy
This post is a little long winded, but I felt like I needed to get this off my chest.
Today I am in a learning handicap class for 7th graders. This means that the students are several grade levels behind, and their maturity is even lower. The campus is in a rough part of town similar to the elementary school I was at yesterday. By junior high many of the students are already involved with gangs.
As I walked to my classroom I passed the campus security guard. I asked him for directions to my room, and when I told him which room I was looking for he laughed out loud. He then clapped me on the back and inquired how I had drawn the short straw. His advice to me was to not show ANY fear, or run. This was going to be a long day.
As first period started to come in I thought maybe I should reconsider, but then again I do love a challenge. The class came in cussing, yelling, and pushing each other. I was greeted with “Fuck, a sub” I can feel the love.
When the paraprofessional (paid teachers aid) arrived she ran most of the class, as paraprofessional often do. She was, however, resigned to their offensive behavior, and did not attempt to correct or reprimand any of them for their ongoing verbal explosions of expletives. It was clear right away who the worst offenders were. There was one boy who I will call John who, I was told later, had attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD.) This boy was up out of his seat disturbing other students, talking, and causing chaos. He had been instructed several times by the paraprofessional to return to his seat and get to work.
Let me take a minute to explain the dynamics of a special education class. There is always a paraprofessional in a special education class. Sometimes there is more than one depending on the severity of the student’s handicap. It is always a crap shoot to see what kind of paraprofessional a teacher will get. Sometimes they are great. Some working on their education and truly wonderful to work with, and then there are others that are entrenched and apathetic. The later was my aid today, but never the less these people are in charge when the teacher is gone. My only job is to make sure no one burns down the building. This is aggravating to me because I am in the special education credential program, and would be able to teach the class.
And so, the class continues in the way already described. As per the paraprofessional, she says that she does not want to send anyone out of the classroom because that is what they want. A free ticked out of class for the day. This means that there is no bite to the requests to sit down, get to work, and stop hitting people. I should have run.
Things go along in this manner for most of the period. There will be no reprieve at the end of first period either because this group of students does not change classes. Except for lunch and P.E. I have them ALL day. It was during lunch that the real trouble started. A campus supervisor knocked on our window and asked if one of our students could come in the room for lunch because he had just been punched in the stomach by John. John and Chris were the two boys that stood out during first period. They were mean, cruel, and headed for juvenile hall. The target of their ridicule was two smaller boys I will call Eric and Jose. For John’s infraction he was sent to the office for the reminder of P.E. apparently other teacher do not put up with as much as the paraprofessional does.
When the class retuned from P.E. John was back too, and something major had happened. Eric came up to the desk with a tear stained face and told us that Chris had kick the bathroom door open while he was in there going poop. John and Chris along with the rest of the class were howling with laughter. The paraprofessional’s response was that she would talk to them and he should go back to his seat. The laughing quickly turned into the nick name that Eric will probably have for the rest of his school years, Poopie boy.
The ridicule was so bad that the paraprofessional finally sent Chris to detention. John, however, escalated the ridicule. Making flushing sounds, plops, and remarks about the room smelling like fart. Anyone that did not know what had happened certainly knew now. By this time Eric is in shambles. The ridicule continues and I am looking to the paraprofessional to send John out. Finally, when it was apparent that she was not going to address the behavior, I stepped in. I called for the campus supervisor to come escort him to the office, but he bolted out the door without looking back. Yes, I should have taken the advice from the campus supervisor this morning…run.
All was quiet after John left, and when the last bell rang I was looking forward to getting out of that school, but why did I think this day was over. As the students were leaving I saw John and Chris standing outside the classroom door. John yelled at me that I got him suspended. This always amazes me, a student breaks the rules, I enforce the rules, they get into trouble, and I am the bad guy, amazing. Both John and Chris were threatening Eric and Jose. They were holding up fists and mock punching at them. Both boys retreated back into the classroom clearly afraid. The paraprofessional and I said we would walk them to the office.
Jose’s mom was already out on the street, so I walked him to his car. On the way Chris shadowed us trying to get to Jose. I told him several times to go home, but he kept on. I cannot believe the nerve of these kids. When I got Jose to his car Chris said “I’ll get him later.”
After the day was over I sat in my car and cried. This day just moved into my all time top five worst sub days.
Today I am in a learning handicap class for 7th graders. This means that the students are several grade levels behind, and their maturity is even lower. The campus is in a rough part of town similar to the elementary school I was at yesterday. By junior high many of the students are already involved with gangs.
As I walked to my classroom I passed the campus security guard. I asked him for directions to my room, and when I told him which room I was looking for he laughed out loud. He then clapped me on the back and inquired how I had drawn the short straw. His advice to me was to not show ANY fear, or run. This was going to be a long day.
As first period started to come in I thought maybe I should reconsider, but then again I do love a challenge. The class came in cussing, yelling, and pushing each other. I was greeted with “Fuck, a sub” I can feel the love.
When the paraprofessional (paid teachers aid) arrived she ran most of the class, as paraprofessional often do. She was, however, resigned to their offensive behavior, and did not attempt to correct or reprimand any of them for their ongoing verbal explosions of expletives. It was clear right away who the worst offenders were. There was one boy who I will call John who, I was told later, had attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD.) This boy was up out of his seat disturbing other students, talking, and causing chaos. He had been instructed several times by the paraprofessional to return to his seat and get to work.
Let me take a minute to explain the dynamics of a special education class. There is always a paraprofessional in a special education class. Sometimes there is more than one depending on the severity of the student’s handicap. It is always a crap shoot to see what kind of paraprofessional a teacher will get. Sometimes they are great. Some working on their education and truly wonderful to work with, and then there are others that are entrenched and apathetic. The later was my aid today, but never the less these people are in charge when the teacher is gone. My only job is to make sure no one burns down the building. This is aggravating to me because I am in the special education credential program, and would be able to teach the class.
And so, the class continues in the way already described. As per the paraprofessional, she says that she does not want to send anyone out of the classroom because that is what they want. A free ticked out of class for the day. This means that there is no bite to the requests to sit down, get to work, and stop hitting people. I should have run.
Things go along in this manner for most of the period. There will be no reprieve at the end of first period either because this group of students does not change classes. Except for lunch and P.E. I have them ALL day. It was during lunch that the real trouble started. A campus supervisor knocked on our window and asked if one of our students could come in the room for lunch because he had just been punched in the stomach by John. John and Chris were the two boys that stood out during first period. They were mean, cruel, and headed for juvenile hall. The target of their ridicule was two smaller boys I will call Eric and Jose. For John’s infraction he was sent to the office for the reminder of P.E. apparently other teacher do not put up with as much as the paraprofessional does.
When the class retuned from P.E. John was back too, and something major had happened. Eric came up to the desk with a tear stained face and told us that Chris had kick the bathroom door open while he was in there going poop. John and Chris along with the rest of the class were howling with laughter. The paraprofessional’s response was that she would talk to them and he should go back to his seat. The laughing quickly turned into the nick name that Eric will probably have for the rest of his school years, Poopie boy.
The ridicule was so bad that the paraprofessional finally sent Chris to detention. John, however, escalated the ridicule. Making flushing sounds, plops, and remarks about the room smelling like fart. Anyone that did not know what had happened certainly knew now. By this time Eric is in shambles. The ridicule continues and I am looking to the paraprofessional to send John out. Finally, when it was apparent that she was not going to address the behavior, I stepped in. I called for the campus supervisor to come escort him to the office, but he bolted out the door without looking back. Yes, I should have taken the advice from the campus supervisor this morning…run.
All was quiet after John left, and when the last bell rang I was looking forward to getting out of that school, but why did I think this day was over. As the students were leaving I saw John and Chris standing outside the classroom door. John yelled at me that I got him suspended. This always amazes me, a student breaks the rules, I enforce the rules, they get into trouble, and I am the bad guy, amazing. Both John and Chris were threatening Eric and Jose. They were holding up fists and mock punching at them. Both boys retreated back into the classroom clearly afraid. The paraprofessional and I said we would walk them to the office.
Jose’s mom was already out on the street, so I walked him to his car. On the way Chris shadowed us trying to get to Jose. I told him several times to go home, but he kept on. I cannot believe the nerve of these kids. When I got Jose to his car Chris said “I’ll get him later.”
After the day was over I sat in my car and cried. This day just moved into my all time top five worst sub days.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Poverty
Today is the second of a two day assignment at the same school I described yesterday. You remember, drive-by, scary people, murders. The unfortunate side to all of the violence is the children. Over the past two days I have heard some sad things come out of these very mature 4th graders mouths.
I was in the office before school started and overheard two office staffers discussing the free and reduced lunch program. One lady said that the population at that school that qualified was 98%. That means that 98% of the population that have children who attend that school have an income of no higher than $15,000 per year.
The stress and ignorance of this level of poverty takes its toll on the kids. We were working on the weekly spelling list when it was time to move to another activity. The students had had more than enough time to copy down the words from the board. As I began to erase them several students protested. I told them they could ask me for them later if they had not completed the list.
Next, I assigned the homework: write each spelling word five times each. One of the students yelled out that he needed the spelling list put back up now because he hadn’t finished writing it. He told me that if I didn’t give him that list he would not do his home work. He said his mom told him it was not her job to help him with home work.
I was in the office before school started and overheard two office staffers discussing the free and reduced lunch program. One lady said that the population at that school that qualified was 98%. That means that 98% of the population that have children who attend that school have an income of no higher than $15,000 per year.
The stress and ignorance of this level of poverty takes its toll on the kids. We were working on the weekly spelling list when it was time to move to another activity. The students had had more than enough time to copy down the words from the board. As I began to erase them several students protested. I told them they could ask me for them later if they had not completed the list.
Next, I assigned the homework: write each spelling word five times each. One of the students yelled out that he needed the spelling list put back up now because he hadn’t finished writing it. He told me that if I didn’t give him that list he would not do his home work. He said his mom told him it was not her job to help him with home work.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Great School
As a substitute I never know when or in what form a job will come. I prefer to know ahead of time where I will be working for the day, but because I am considered an on call employee I have to wait for the phone to ring. Another option I have is to call and see if there are any jobs that haven’t been filled. When there are not, a robotic voice tells me “currently, there are no jobs available. This message makes me sad.
I was about to pull my sweats back on and be a lump on the sofa when the phone rang. The assignment was 4th grade, and in a neighborhood that is less than desirable. Last week alone there were two drive-by shootings, several arrests, and a murder, but hey, I need the money
I was about to pull my sweats back on and be a lump on the sofa when the phone rang. The assignment was 4th grade, and in a neighborhood that is less than desirable. Last week alone there were two drive-by shootings, several arrests, and a murder, but hey, I need the money
Friday, January 29, 2010
Movie Day!!
Movie day in any classroom is always a mixed blessing. Not very much is required of me, but discipline problems often arise. Today I was in an earth science class at the same prestigious high school I was at yesterday. I should also remind you that that I am one of their most distinguished alumni.
As first period started to watch the movie I was excited to get to watch too. I love documentaries! About ten minutes into the video I was concerned. This is the most boring video I have seen in a long time. YUCK! The narrator had a monotone British accent, it looked like it had been filmed I the 70’s, and the monkeys in my class were about to start flinging poo.
I had no choice but to continue the video. There is nothing else for them to do. Fortunately, about half way through they stated to drop off, and by the end of the video they were all drooling.
I am considering posting the video on line under the heading SLEEP AID.
As first period started to watch the movie I was excited to get to watch too. I love documentaries! About ten minutes into the video I was concerned. This is the most boring video I have seen in a long time. YUCK! The narrator had a monotone British accent, it looked like it had been filmed I the 70’s, and the monkeys in my class were about to start flinging poo.
I had no choice but to continue the video. There is nothing else for them to do. Fortunately, about half way through they stated to drop off, and by the end of the video they were all drooling.
I am considering posting the video on line under the heading SLEEP AID.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Fifth Period
I have learned a lot from being a substitute teacher. Among those things, are that students can smell fear. Like sharks attracted to blood. They know when they have beaten you, and they enjoy gloating about their victory. Because of this it is absolutely imperative that I hold a poker face, but the truth is that sometimes these kids scare me.
Today I am subbing in an English class at a high school that has the distinction of being over 125 years old. I am also one of its most distinguished alumni. Time has not changed the diversity of the student body, but it has made them more menacing. This high school houses a wide spectrum of students. They range from students participating in the International Baccalaureate program (IB) to students affiliated with gangs.
I had three warning about the students in my fifth period class before second period had concluded. Two of them came from other teachers, so I was taking the warning seriously. By the time fifth period arrived I had my game face on.
I try very hard not to judge students by what they choose to wear. I have found some deep thinkers and excellent students under a green mohawks, but as I looked out at my fifth period class I was afraid. They majority of them were dressed in gang style clothing. Many of them have found a way to circumvent the school districts “no gang clothing” policy.
The assignment was simple. Read a story in the literature book and then answer six corresponding questions. After several attempts to call the class to order and failed, I pulled out the referrals. I love referrals. They normally bring back a since of order to the room, but this was no normal class. The first offender had made himself know from the moment he walked through the door. Loud, disruptive, and rude were the reasons I jotted down in the explanation area. One down, thirty-two more rude kids to go.
The next incident caused uproar throughout the entire class. I was hearing cat calls, cackles, and rude comments about my heritage, and I thought this was vindication for the poor hapless student that was on his way to detention. I asked a student to remove his hood, and he started screaming at me that it was not a hood but a very high collar. Upon taking another look at the thing it was indeed a high collar. It went all the way to the top of his head, close enough to a hood to me. Again I requested he take it off.
A verbal explosion ensued, and the student jumped to his feet. I am going to stop here and give you, my reader, a brief description of myself. I am in my mid 30’s and am five foot five inches on a good hair day. I am a little on the chucky side, and have a bad knee. When this student stood up he towered over me, and at this point I was torn between running from the class room, crying, screaming, or kicking him in the knee. It amazes me how fast I went primal. I quickly remembered the poker face. It did not matter how I felt on the inside, outside I was tough as nails.
Thankfully I had thought to call the campus security, and just has the confrontation was about to begin they walked in and took the student with them. I may need to clean my pants.
Today I am subbing in an English class at a high school that has the distinction of being over 125 years old. I am also one of its most distinguished alumni. Time has not changed the diversity of the student body, but it has made them more menacing. This high school houses a wide spectrum of students. They range from students participating in the International Baccalaureate program (IB) to students affiliated with gangs.
I had three warning about the students in my fifth period class before second period had concluded. Two of them came from other teachers, so I was taking the warning seriously. By the time fifth period arrived I had my game face on.
I try very hard not to judge students by what they choose to wear. I have found some deep thinkers and excellent students under a green mohawks, but as I looked out at my fifth period class I was afraid. They majority of them were dressed in gang style clothing. Many of them have found a way to circumvent the school districts “no gang clothing” policy.
The assignment was simple. Read a story in the literature book and then answer six corresponding questions. After several attempts to call the class to order and failed, I pulled out the referrals. I love referrals. They normally bring back a since of order to the room, but this was no normal class. The first offender had made himself know from the moment he walked through the door. Loud, disruptive, and rude were the reasons I jotted down in the explanation area. One down, thirty-two more rude kids to go.
The next incident caused uproar throughout the entire class. I was hearing cat calls, cackles, and rude comments about my heritage, and I thought this was vindication for the poor hapless student that was on his way to detention. I asked a student to remove his hood, and he started screaming at me that it was not a hood but a very high collar. Upon taking another look at the thing it was indeed a high collar. It went all the way to the top of his head, close enough to a hood to me. Again I requested he take it off.
A verbal explosion ensued, and the student jumped to his feet. I am going to stop here and give you, my reader, a brief description of myself. I am in my mid 30’s and am five foot five inches on a good hair day. I am a little on the chucky side, and have a bad knee. When this student stood up he towered over me, and at this point I was torn between running from the class room, crying, screaming, or kicking him in the knee. It amazes me how fast I went primal. I quickly remembered the poker face. It did not matter how I felt on the inside, outside I was tough as nails.
Thankfully I had thought to call the campus security, and just has the confrontation was about to begin they walked in and took the student with them. I may need to clean my pants.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Tweens
Tweens, that delicate age between 11 and 14 right before the true teenage years begin. An age that is rife with emotion, and turmoil. At this age their minds expand so that they quickly become smarter and more knowledgeable than anyone else around them. To cross the tween is to evoke its wrath. The female tween is often angry and will quickly attack. The male tween is prone to more attention seeking behavior, for example yelling rude comments at its educator. (Me) These are the complicated creatures I had the pleasure of spending the day with.
Today I was in a 7th grade English class. As the students entered the room they were to pull out a sheet of paper and respond to the writing prompt that was on the white board. The prompt was: if you could go anywhere in the world where would you go and why. I told them they had six minutes to complete this prompt. As I walked around the room I noticed that most of the students only wrote one sentence to answer the prompt when they were instructed to write a paragraph. When I pointed this out to one of the female tweens she growled at me. Growled at me, like a dog growl. I pretended I did not hear it and moved on.
I asked of anyone would like to share their prompt and it was amazing who fast everyone put their head down. I could almost hear them saying “don’t make eye contact.” I called on a few tweens only to be told with vehemence “NO.” I decided to try the growling tween. I called her by name which surprised her, I love seating charts, and she growled loudly at me again. I was not sure if I should send her to the office or the vet.
Latter in the day we were listening to the story they were reading in their literature book on CD. As per the lesson plain left by the teacher I was to stop the CD and engage the tweens in discussion about the story. After several failed attempts to do this one tween says “will you please stop stopping the CD we don’t need you to explain it because we already know it.” …sigh…
Today I was in a 7th grade English class. As the students entered the room they were to pull out a sheet of paper and respond to the writing prompt that was on the white board. The prompt was: if you could go anywhere in the world where would you go and why. I told them they had six minutes to complete this prompt. As I walked around the room I noticed that most of the students only wrote one sentence to answer the prompt when they were instructed to write a paragraph. When I pointed this out to one of the female tweens she growled at me. Growled at me, like a dog growl. I pretended I did not hear it and moved on.
I asked of anyone would like to share their prompt and it was amazing who fast everyone put their head down. I could almost hear them saying “don’t make eye contact.” I called on a few tweens only to be told with vehemence “NO.” I decided to try the growling tween. I called her by name which surprised her, I love seating charts, and she growled loudly at me again. I was not sure if I should send her to the office or the vet.
Latter in the day we were listening to the story they were reading in their literature book on CD. As per the lesson plain left by the teacher I was to stop the CD and engage the tweens in discussion about the story. After several failed attempts to do this one tween says “will you please stop stopping the CD we don’t need you to explain it because we already know it.” …sigh…
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
What's That Thing in Your Ear?
I love technology. Absolutely love it. I own all the latest gadgets, and am not sure how I ever lived without them. It wasn’t until I entered a classroom that I saw them in a new light. If I ever get a chance to meet Steve Jobs I have some suggestions for him.
When I am subbing in junior high or high school I always start with the same spiel; hats and hoods off, and backpacks and purses on the floor. All of these things are used to hide the use of Ipods and cell phone. If these students put half as much time into studying as they did trying to hide their cell phones and earbuds they would all be graduating with honors.
Steve Jobs, here are my suggestions: the Ipod should come equipped with a kill switch so that I can briefly disable your wonderful devise. This way all the children will benefit from my expertise and wisdom. I think movie theaters would be interested in this feature as well. Next, the Iphone should have a feature that allows me to project the text messages that students are sending or receiving on to the wall. My hope would be that this would deter students from sending or receiving them. This would be the modern day equitant to a teacher reading aloud a note being passed in class.
My last suggestion is a bit extreme, but I like it. Before I go into detail about this idea let me explain the policy of the school district I work for as it pertains to electronic devices. Students shall not have them. Period. End of discussion. They stated it more eloquently than that, but that is the jest of it. My idea is that students must download an alert that is electric. If the students phone is not switched off, when it rings the student receives an electrical shock. Mild with the first ring and increasing in intensity as calls or texts continue to come in or go out.
Of course this is just a dream…
When I am subbing in junior high or high school I always start with the same spiel; hats and hoods off, and backpacks and purses on the floor. All of these things are used to hide the use of Ipods and cell phone. If these students put half as much time into studying as they did trying to hide their cell phones and earbuds they would all be graduating with honors.
Steve Jobs, here are my suggestions: the Ipod should come equipped with a kill switch so that I can briefly disable your wonderful devise. This way all the children will benefit from my expertise and wisdom. I think movie theaters would be interested in this feature as well. Next, the Iphone should have a feature that allows me to project the text messages that students are sending or receiving on to the wall. My hope would be that this would deter students from sending or receiving them. This would be the modern day equitant to a teacher reading aloud a note being passed in class.
My last suggestion is a bit extreme, but I like it. Before I go into detail about this idea let me explain the policy of the school district I work for as it pertains to electronic devices. Students shall not have them. Period. End of discussion. They stated it more eloquently than that, but that is the jest of it. My idea is that students must download an alert that is electric. If the students phone is not switched off, when it rings the student receives an electrical shock. Mild with the first ring and increasing in intensity as calls or texts continue to come in or go out.
Of course this is just a dream…
Cool Classroom Flair
One thing I truly enjoy about being in a different classroom everyday is all the flair I get to see. Posters, bumper stickers, and quotes covering the walls make any classroom more welcoming. I have decided to do a continuing post called Cool Classroom Flair. Not every class I am in has flair, but today the classroom I was in had a lot. So, here is my first installment of Cool Classroom Flair.
Monday, January 25, 2010
Internal Bleeding
Today I was subbing for a twelfth grade English class. The teacher got sick and called me to fill in. He quickly informed me of the assignment for the day which needed very little effort on my part. All five periods were to read silently for the entire period. The next day they would be quizzed on the reading assigned.
The first two classes had no problems with this, but in the class right before lunch I had a springy, talkative young man who addressed everyone as they entered the classroom. After the bell rang I gave the instructions. “Read until you hear another bell, and if you complete the assignment reread it.” This young man scoffs and says “Ya, that will happen.”
After about five minutes of silent reading the young man comes up to my desk and says that he would like a pass to go to the nurse because he is bleeding internally. Now, I have heard a lot of excuses in my time, but this was a first. I could not hold my sarcasm as I asked him if he needed me to call for help. Enthusiastically he says YES, please call for help. He asks me to hurry because he can tell he is bleeding heavily now.
At this point I think, I hope he is making this up and doesn’t keel over on the floor. So, in the interest of not having to explain my inaction to his parents or the principal, I give the young man a pass to the office. As he is leaving I tell him I will call and check on him later.
Twenty minutes later he still has not returned to class, so I call the nurses office. Low and behold he isn’t there, nor was he ever there. It just so happened that the campus security was in the nurse’s office and offered to go search for the internally bleeding student. Now it has been my experience that when a student is ditching a class there are usually one of three places they will hide. First, and most popular, the bathroom, second, the library, and third the nurse’s office. Since we already knew he wasn’t there the search was more focused.
This young man did not go far. He was hiding in the bathroom, and as it turned out was not bleeding internally. The campus security had a good laugh, and then gave him a week’s worth of detention. I have to give him an A for originality.
The first two classes had no problems with this, but in the class right before lunch I had a springy, talkative young man who addressed everyone as they entered the classroom. After the bell rang I gave the instructions. “Read until you hear another bell, and if you complete the assignment reread it.” This young man scoffs and says “Ya, that will happen.”
After about five minutes of silent reading the young man comes up to my desk and says that he would like a pass to go to the nurse because he is bleeding internally. Now, I have heard a lot of excuses in my time, but this was a first. I could not hold my sarcasm as I asked him if he needed me to call for help. Enthusiastically he says YES, please call for help. He asks me to hurry because he can tell he is bleeding heavily now.
At this point I think, I hope he is making this up and doesn’t keel over on the floor. So, in the interest of not having to explain my inaction to his parents or the principal, I give the young man a pass to the office. As he is leaving I tell him I will call and check on him later.
Twenty minutes later he still has not returned to class, so I call the nurses office. Low and behold he isn’t there, nor was he ever there. It just so happened that the campus security was in the nurse’s office and offered to go search for the internally bleeding student. Now it has been my experience that when a student is ditching a class there are usually one of three places they will hide. First, and most popular, the bathroom, second, the library, and third the nurse’s office. Since we already knew he wasn’t there the search was more focused.
This young man did not go far. He was hiding in the bathroom, and as it turned out was not bleeding internally. The campus security had a good laugh, and then gave him a week’s worth of detention. I have to give him an A for originality.
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